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The Camellia Commitment

April 7th, 2011 · No Comments

Ruby Wedding, red cammelia

This is my Ruby Wedding Camellia

It isn’t that I am a commitmentphobe, it is just that when I do commit to something, I take it seriously. I don’t know when to quit even when the situation is no longer healthy or in my best interest.

So it was a surprise to me that even though I love London and have wanted to stay here, it was the possibility of a job in the States that made me realize that I had to be “all in” to stay here.

During my Skype interview with the potential employer, my stomach turned backflips and I could almost taste bile in the back of my throat.

My motto has been “I ain’t goin’ back to Atlanna” since I’ve been here. Somehow, I had not fully committed. I have fantastic friends in the States, but the thread to my nephews as been my only hesitancy to making a full-on promise to myself to stay.

When I first told my closest friends that I was considering grad school and this move to another country, the unanimous response was “you won’t come back.”

I didn’t give it much thought until I finally told my Mother.

“You won’t come back,” she said, matter-of-factly.

Over the years I have planted gardens wherever I have been. Perennial gardens at homes that I rented. I collected a wide range of irises, lilies and hydrangeas among other things, that I took a piece of from one place to another. When I had the big house, I planted multiple gardens so that I had something blooming at almost every point in the year. I had herbs and veggies, roses, cutting flowers and a “secret” garden with a little brick patio surrounded by rhododendrons and azaleas with a huge variety of daffodils and narcissus selections scattered in the “natural areas.” I always had fresh flowers. The one month I did not have covered whould have been filled by camellias. For some reason, I never got around to planting any.

A couple of weeks ago at Sunshine Garden Center, I bought two camellias—lifetime commitments. My landlady is beginning to suspect that I am rooted here, but I did plant them in pots, just in case I ever burst the seems of this cottage and move.

This has been another seismic shift in my perception of the future.

London, I am all in.

Tags: personal

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